Innocent Beer-Fest Or Propagator Of Snake-Hating Extremism?
You Decide
(Note: I wrote this literally about 15 years ago, for a job I had that involved writing, in those days when my job was kind of fun ... (sigh). I'm all about both recycling and laziness, so I thought I'd just throw it out there today.)
Well, it's that time of year again. It's the time of year when you
forget to wear green to school and everyone pinches you until
you're red with shame and then you run home crying and then
get in trouble for ditching school! Thanks a lot, Ireland!
That's what I hear, anyway. Not that I'd know, heh heh. But St.
Patrick's Day is about more than just the private traumas of an
innocent, forgetful young boy. It's even about more than green
beer and buttons with amusing phrases like "Kiss Me, I Once
Met A Guy Who Was Irish." It has a long history, dating back to
the fifth century.
I'm not sure which version you've heard about the origin of St.
Patrick's Day, but it's probably a little off. If St. Patrick were
alive today (which would make him a robust 1,500 years old), all
the conflicting stories would make him roll in his grave. Um ...
you know what I mean.
Point is, St. Patrick didn't literally drive any snakes out of
Ireland. There's actually one story that involved a particularly
clever snake, who talked to St. Patrick, as animals did all the
time in the old days. This snake was so clever, in fact, that he
wasn't too hip to the idea of following all the other snakes who
just drowned in the sea right before his eyes. But St. Patrick
tricked him into slithering into a box, and then threw it in the
water. This story might not be 100 percent true.
Odds are that all the snake stuff is metaphorical; many of the
pagans of the time (mostly Druids) used snakes as their
religious symbols. What St. Patrick did do was bring Christianity
to Ireland, thus driving out the snakes of paganism.
He was an interesting guy, St. Patrick. He was born around 425
A.D. as Maewyn Succat, in either England or Scotland. At age 16
he was captured by pirates and sold into slavery. He had a
religious epiphany while herding pigs in Ireland and then
managed to escape. But after becoming a bigwig in the Catholic
church, he was sent back to Ireland, where he converted the
whole country, basically, to Christianity.
In fact, his whole confession, which serves as an autobiography
(don't worry, it's only about two pages) is available online.
What about shamrocks, you ask? Does the name derive from a
fifth century Irish jig band called Sham, which was so great that
people often said "Sham rocks!" Ha ha ha, no. Of course not.
What, are you crazy?
The shamrock symbolizes several different things. As it often is
with holidays, the three-leafed clover's significance is a
combination of Christian and pagan tradition. The shamrock
symbolizes the cross and the Holy Trinity. There is a legend that
St. Patrick often used it as a visual aid for teaching these
concepts. Also, shamrocks were believed to be a remedy
against snake and scorpion bites, because after extensive
fourth-century medical research, it was concluded that snakes
were never seen hanging around them. Ergo, they must cure
snakebites. At any rate, we see that again St. Patrick's Day is all
about hating snakes.
So that's all I know about St. Patrick's Day. To sum up:
* St. Patrick: Brought Christianity to Ireland. Good.
* Snakes: Bunch of pagans. Bad.
All right, let's go have a beer.
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